Creating is Infinitely Harder than Complaining

Yesterday, I expressed doubt.  

It's a gigantic waste of time -- but I did it.

And, in response, my friend Andrea said, "Listen, this is just a time. It will become another time soon and by then, I hope you've realized that you are letting go of the old way. The old way was to react to the things that came your way, complain about the style or substance of these opportunities and then act or ignore."

YES, I realized -- I have settled into a passive way of accepting or rejecting things professionally.

The old way, she explained, had me submitting to someone else's agenda or feeling it was my fate to be unchallenged or discouraged. 

But, the new way is an act of creation each day, she said. And that takes a fully-conscious, radical shift in thinking, prioritizing and responsibility. 

Switching the way we view our opportunity to contribute in this world is a truly significant experience, she said. She said I needed to create the opportunities in which I could thrive, use my talents, feel joyful and give something meaningful back to the world and do do anything less or complain about the opportunities I am or am not getting was not going to resonate for me any longer.

This conversation has colored my world. Now, everything in my life, I examine and think, "Did I passively accept that? Did I create and nurture that? Can I joyfully own it now?" 

It's indescribably powerful and it presents a kind of truth that can't be denied once you've experienced it. I won't entertain doubt again soon -- fear maybe -- but not doubt, because who could be more trustworthy with my life than me? 

Andrea's response resonated with me and continues to ring in my ear the way wisdom sometimes does.

Happy Birthday, Lulu!

Thirty years ago today, I got the most generous gift anyone has ever given me: A sister! 

Now, I could make your head spin talking about the things to love about my sister -- and, now that she is a woman, she is RADIANT in every way. I am so proud and so grateful she is mine and I will feel I have done my job thus far if she knows that (I will guess she does!)

A true tribute to my sister might skip the Hallmark moments of it all and link to a couple of the things we have laughed hardest about in the last few years... because the most generous gift anyone ever gave her --- was a brilliant sense of humor and comic timing!! 

• I could care less if this has or has not proven to be a fake, it's funny when the anchorman says "country-ass town."
• Chuck Norris basically offered us an entire afternoon of comedy.
• It's not recent comedy, but it's still comedy... this was our first concert. That video is really a treat -- about 45 seconds in he starts singing -- yes!
• This letter still makes us laugh until we cry. Poor Lulu, she always has to sit next to the weirdos and the bathrooms.
• I don't know why, but Rob Thomas made us laugh pretty hard once. He really isn't funny, it was more a timing thing.
• What can be funnier than The Office?
• My sister could hardly get the words out when she called to ask me if I had seen this commercial.

So, happy birthday sissy. I love you and I thank you for the laughs!

Taking a Breath in this Moment

"There are only two tragedies in life: 

one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."  - Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde is bitter, and this quote is the least of the proof of that fact. I wonder what wish it was that -- once granted -- cursed him so deeply. 

And, at the same time, I get what he's saying here.

How many times have you gotten something you wanted, only to immediately start thinking about the next thing instead of enjoying it? I've done it dozens of times in both shallow and spiritual ways. And, I regret it.

So, is it possible to avoid the sense of tragedy Wilde describes? Or is this the human condition, to suffer either way?

I am thinking about how to keep the deep gratitude in my heart for the big and small things I have wished for for so long -- some of which I now have. 

I want to do two things that may not even be possible: I want to appreciate and desire my current outcomes like I did before they were mine, and at the same time love them like I've always had them. To try to avoid the tragedies of unmet expectations or taking anything for granted, my current mantra is "Thank you." I try to prevent everyday life from dulling the sheen on my blessings and at the same time, keep me from making my current searches painfully consuming.

It does change a person to get what she wants. In fact, it is changing me wholly. And, in good ways. I also will acknowledge the sadness of the "getting" -- but not live in the mindset of a necessary struggle or the fantasy of a simplistic and specific outcome. I'm so glad I've had my wishes answered -- it's the joy (not the tragedy) of my life. Now, I only need to live in my current reality and be brave enough to enjoy it. Sorry, Oscar.

Cheers... to our blessings!

"It's Scary but It's Fun!"

This weekend I got to spend my time with a remarkably wise 5-year-old. 

His ability to simplify his own or our shared experience moved me several times. Moment to moment, life is just so clear with him. As he and I get to know one another, I've discovered and recognized his talents, humor and vulnerabilities the way people do with new friends. And, I marvel at how brave and focused he can be.

For many reasons, I've made a promise to myself to start recording my observations of him in some way, or the things he says. I know I am not the first person to find wisdom in a child's innocence, but I also know that there is a reason why he and I have crossed paths. And, where I can, I will answer his brave and open heart with the same.

One of his holiday gifts was a game called Topple. The colorful box had energy, but the three of us had no idea how fun it would be. He and his dad started playing the game and I held back. Just watching. 

The game is essentially a lesson in balance. 

Players have plastic chips and the die assigns the level on which the player must place a chip on the teetering platform. The more chips are added, the more tentative the platform's balance becomes. As the tension built so did the excitement! At one point, my small friend shouted out, "It's scary, but it's fun!" So true! 

I joined in on the second round. Throughout the round, in careful harmony, the three of us ran out of chips, but never toppled. We were careful. We were excited, scared and considerate. We laughed. We had fun.

And, as I adjust to being a part of their lives in whatever way I will be, I realized that each of the three of us have already taken a careful oath of sincerity. 

It will be a lesson in balance. It will be scary sometimes, but fun.

Good. Cold. Fun.

It's -3 degrees in Chicago today -- and a bitter -29 degrees with wind chill! 

But, this harsh weather has been our partner in a truly perfect day: no plans, just moving through hour to hour with lazy ease. And, it has been simply delightful. 

In fact, today's serene and joyful calm has actually inspired my 2009 New Year's resolution: 

In 2009 I want to have a lot more FUN! 

This year, "to do lists" aside, I will make room for fun to flow instead of allowing only pockets. What I learned today is that fun needs room to breath -- make room for it and enjoy yourself and others deeply! What a lesson today has given me! I am incredibly grateful!

Resolutions themselves have been anything but fun for me for years -- in fact, my graveyard of past resolutions is a list of maddening cliches. But, no more cartoon-like self deprecation! 

Rather, hello good times!

And, all of this will likely mean, hello health, too! Here's to taking care of the spirit, body and mind with one resolution.  

"If you have health, you probably will be happy, and if you have health and happiness, you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want." -Elbert Hubbard (20th century American writer)

Instead of focusing what isn't in 2009, instead I'll feel a step ahead of all the possibilities! My new personal policy of "mandatory fun" will take no form, and have no rules. In fact, it won't be a resolution as much as a pledge, a religion, a meditation. I don't think I've ever had a resolution I wanted to start right away, but today I do, and that makes me think it really will be a new year!

The year's perfect gift -- it's free but in demand!

Instead of mindlessly wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or Happy New Year, starting right now, I am going to BE the happy. 

With new research suggesting that our happiness is contagious, I want to spread joy. Isn't that the best gift we can give one another? Our joy reinvested in their lives?

I am not talking about an elfin insincerity, or a happiness competition. No, this shift is subtle. Maybe we let the bad news of the economy go to the background and the holiday spirit (if you will) take center stage for a while? I am talking about a moment-by-moment embracing of the good. 

For me, I will take a few extra seconds to share some goods news, to enjoy my best friend's lovingly decorated Christmas tree, to bake cookies with the special little ones in my life and enjoy the white lights up and down my street. Just a small shift in perspective in every little moment. Oh, and it makes me pretty happy to say I've let myself off the hook on sending holiday cards this year -- I'd rather connect one-to-one instead.

Here's a few things that already have made my season brighter, I hope they do the same for you:

This "tough guy" coach is personally investing in teens trapped in cycles of violence, and said on 60 Minutes last night that he lives every day expecting something really good is just about to happen.

Here's a Web site dedicated entirely to good news.

And, if all else fails, we may be another year older, another year wiser and according to this research from the University of Chicago, another year happier, so we can be happy to look ahead.

Cheers to a very HAPPY holiday season.

30 Seconds for Reflection? Hurry and Contemplate.

CNN asks viewers to post comments and videos on their Web site reflecting on this momentous year -- and their own lives in the last year, all in just 30 seconds. Can you summarize your year in just 30 seconds? If so, would you go about it with highs and lows? Month by month? A theme into which you might force a personal historic review?

It really was quite a year. And, with or without gimmick, we should take the time to reflect. Yes, this 30-second review is a typical American approach, like saying: Here's your sound-bite approach to the world and to your life. 

Is it a sign of our busy lives, our culture, times? Or, is it that we prefer life in highs and lows, mostly feeling an aversion to the grey of an ordinary day, or an ordinary year? The good news for us is that a series or ordinary days didn't, this time, make an ordinary year. An historic election. A war continues. A complex and seemingly powerful recession. And, the fascinating ways our own stories overlap day after day. 

I know I sometimes struggle with looking back and reflecting -- taking responsibility not so much for what I did, but what I didn't do in the 365 previous days. So, I took the challenge, and what I found was less a refrain on my own shortcomings, and more a grateful review of a complex year in my life. I also invited my friends to do the same and will share my own and their summaries in the days ahead.  Until then, happy reflection....